Finessing the fuck you was just such an eloquent phrase, if there can be an eloquent phrase that includes the word fuck you. But I felt a strong connection with that phrase. It describes me in a way that had never quite been articulated before.
Generally, I'm a really nice person. It's not very humble to say so, but a friend told me recently that I'm the most humble person she knows. Yet, in a game where people had to write sentences describing me, someone wrote, "Don't fuck with her."*
In other words, I'm a nice person,** yet somehow people get the impression not to fuck with me. I'd say that's finessing the fuck you.
That's not what my therapist meant at the time, though. She meant that I'm good at taking bad things and making them my motivation. My answer to "You can't!" is "Actually, I'll fucking scare you with how much I can." And that attitude is part of what has catapulted me through life. I've had a lot of internalized shame in my life, a lot of feeling worthless. And the fuck you is often what turns that around for me. It's the shame shield. It draws my strength and self-confidence to the surface.
Although she used finessing the fuck you in that way, the fuck you is pervasive in my life. It's an attitude, a strategy, an instinct, a personality trait. It's vulgar, yet liberating, and frequently hilarious.
And if you can't yet laugh about the fuck you, you have a few things to learn.
*If it wasn't immediately clear, this blog involves the liberal use of the word "fuck."
**I know, I know, I'm biased. But I do have people who will vouch for that. Though the opinion is surely not universal.